John asserts that we all have a "persona" and a "shadow." This "persona" is our winning formula, all the good stuff we try to project to the world. He suggests not putting a lot of effort into trying to improve that. This is what we've been doing all our lives.
But the shadow is a different story. This is the stuff that we're trying to hide from the world. This is a conglomerate of negative characteristics and beliefs.
John went on to explain that a great way to have access to your dark side it to find a famous person (living or dead) who embodies the shadow side. This is the last person you'd want to be (or associate with, for that matter).
I picked Donald Trump. I see him as manipulative, self-centered, greedy, arrogant and full of hype.
Now as a marketing coach and consultant to professionals, I don't see these as positive characteristics. Neither do most of my clients. They don't want to be seen as "high-end used car salespeople," which is how many people perceive Trump.
But then John turns the tables on this. He said, "Robert, now you want to look at Donald Trump, and if you stripped away all that was despicable about him, what would you have left?
Well, I'd see a lot of positive things. I'd see that he was a good dealmaker, and was good at building an organization and delegating. He's good with his people and has many loyal employees. He gives a lot of money to charity. He took big risks, many that have paid off. It's not to hard to see a lot of very positive attributes in Mr. Trump.
Then John told me to make a list of all those negative characteristics that I didn't admire and that were such a turnoff, and to find the positive part of those characteristics.
For instance, if you scale back "manipulative" you get the more positive aspect which is "results producer." They are simply two ends of the same stick. One end is detested while the other end is admired.
But here's the thing. If manipulation is an issue for you, even being results-oriented can also be an issue. Your style will be to just let things happen. So producing results consistently is a stretch for you. This is an area you want to develop.
So your shadow side is pointing out to you where you need to grow and stretch if you want to go beyond where you are now.
Let's look at some of the other Trump characteristics.
Self-centerdness. Let's turn down the volume a little and you get to, "taking care of your needs." This is something a lot of self-employed people have problems with. It's give, give, give until you hit burnout.
Greed. Greed is seen as negative but scaled down you get "abundance and sufficiency." There are a lot of self-employed people who haven't saved a dime. They are so focused on others that they often fail to handle the basics - like a savings and a retirement account.
Arrogance. This is a turnoff but at the other end is "boldness and confidence." In our resistance to arrogance, we fail to demonstrate much self-confidence in the fear that people will think we are too full our ourselves.
Hype. This is a big one when it comes to marketing your services. At the other end of the spectrum is, "clear and interesting communication." Certainly a good trait to develop, but in our resistance to hype, we tend to market blandly and boringly.
Now Trump may not be your nemesis, so take a minute to think who it is that really turns you off. It might be a past president, an entertainer, or a business person.
And then go to school on that person. First, strip away the negative and look at the positive that's left over. That's what you have to work on, to aspire to.
Next, make a list of all the negative characteristics of this person and find the "crucial stretches" of each characteristic. You are not looking for the opposite. For instance, the opposite of arrogance is nice. But you're already nice!
Is that really getting you where you want to go? The stretch is boldness and confidence. And that (and other stretches) can take you to wonderful new places in your life and business.
The More Clients Bottom Line: This conversation about one's shadow and discovering the crucial stretches that are essential for growth, is an important one for self-employed professionals. If you are resisting marketing, avoiding taking risks, communicating with little excitement, and fearing rejection, it may be because you are denying your shadow self.
Robert Middleton of Action Plan Marketing has been helping Independent Professionals attract more clients since 1984. Robert is the author of the InfoGuru Marketing Manual and the Web Site ToolKit. For more articles on attracting clients, plus several free audios and reports, please go to: http://www.actionplan.com/freestuff.html
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